


The Worst Things In Life Come Free To Us

by zaynfreakingmalik



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, M/M, trigger warning for eating disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:30:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynfreakingmalik/pseuds/zaynfreakingmalik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But Harry isn’t ready. Harry is broken and Louis just wants to find all of his pieces and slowly glue him back  together in all of his beauty</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Worst Things In Life Come Free To Us

**Author's Note:**

> So woo, I'm new to Archiveofourown, but not to posting 1d stuff. On LJ i am fuckyeahgeeta, so I'll be transferring all my work from there, onto here, and I hope y'all enjoy it!

When Lou first meets Harry it’s at Zayn’s 19th party, which really isn’t a party, just a throng of drunks and girls dressed scantily clad. It’s just an excuse for Zayn and Niall to get hammered and hook up with some birds, and never call them back. Louis is well on his way to joining them when he bumps shoulders and his hand is shaking from the bass of the music and suddenly his beer up is upturned, the beer dripping on a boy leaning on the wall as people dance by him.

Louis just blinked sluggishly and looked up, feeling his breath catch or some lame shit. Because the boy was just… just.

Louis’ drunken mind wouldn’t even let him think up of a compliment and instead he just gaped at the boy with chocolate brown curls, looking delicious as they hung nearly to his shoulders. The boy had green eyes that Louis would learn to see as bright when he was happy, or high on life, and dark and clouded when he was barely hanging onto a thread and just needed Louis. For now though Louis just looked into the light green eyes, so light they almost looked grey under the harsh lighting of Zayn’s expensive flat.

“Oh- oh wow” Louis slurs spectacularly as the boy in front of him swipes at his shirt, his face is still blank and he doesn’t say a word, barely even looks at Louis. Lou feels a twinge of annoyance at that. He likes attention, he wants this boy to give it to him. It takes Lou a minute, because his mind is slow whirring and drunk but he barely registers then that the boy is pale, so pale he’s almost like a ghost, his skin stretched taut and tight across his bones, his eyes have barely visible yet dark rings underneath but even then, even when the boy looks so absolutely knackered, Louis thinks he’s beautiful.

“I’m sorry, mate, oh god, if I wasn’t so smashed I’d- you know, buy you um, I’d buy you a drink” Louis murmurs, unsure if the boy can even hear him over the music. The boy however cracks a slight amused smile and just shakes his head at Louis.

“’S fine. And you do realise the drinks here are free, yeah?” The boy asks, tilting his head to the side as he surveys Louis. He’s much more sober then Louis is- which isn’t saying too much really. Louis can feel his cheeks blush with embarrassment and his tongue feels swollen or broken or something in his mouth and he just nods dumbly.

“I’ve never seen you before” Louis decides to say instead, finally making his tongue move. The boy just looks at Louis, Louis looks right back, in a daze.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy, didn’t have time I guess for this sorta stuff.” The boy replies easily, once relaxing slightly in Louis’ presence and leaning back against the wall as if stinking beer isn’t still dripping off his pale white shirt, making it see through, and Louis swallows hard because he can make out collarbones under his shirt, pointed one’s, one’s that you could bite or lick and kiss, and he has a very definite V going on there, Louis wonders what he’s going on below that V…

“Erm. You alright?” The boy asks, sounding awkward, and Louis realises how clearly he has been checking this boy out. Louis doesn’t know what to say or do without sounding more like an idiot or complete freak so he decides to latch onto what the boy said before,

“Busy with what? I’m Lou by the way. I- I mean, Louis. I’m Louis, but people call me Lou. It doesn’t matter what you call me really I spose” Louis’ rambling and he realises the boy’s shoulders are shaking slightly as he laughs. Louis cuts himself off and just stares, in awe as he sees the boy actually show some emotion now, a genuine smile and laugh, it catches Louis off guard and he notices that the boy’s teeth are just the exact right shade, not too white, not too yellow or brown and decaying. Really, though, which poor soul doesn’t have time for good hygiene and let’s their teeth rot away?

“And you’re laughing at me” Louis mumbles out, a faint smile itching on the corners of his own lips. The boy blinks at him, still smiling lightly, his eye lashes are long and dark, a strange contrast to the pale skin on his face.

“A bit, yeah. Sorry.” The boy replies back and Louis barely even remembers that he’s at one of his best mate’s party’s. That he’s talking up a bloke (okay that bit isn’t weird, everyone knows Lou swings both ways), the laughter and chatter and throb of music has just faded now into a pleasant buzzing in his ears and Louis feels his grin stretch longer on his face.

“You can make it up to me by answering my question” Louis is quite impressed with his slightly quick and witty answer for his drunken mind. The boy’s eyes flash mischievously,

“You’re the one who spilt the drink on me, mate, if anything now we’re equal” He retorts, but he doesn’t look bothered by Louis’ pushing and instead merely shakes out his brown curls, Louis watches as each one of them falls back in the exact same place as before.

“I don’t eat.” The boy says, casually and Louis merely blinks because he doesn’t understand.

“I have an eating disorder you twat” The boy explains and Louis finds himself laughing slightly at the fact that this random boy just insulted him, and soon the boy is laughing as well and in between those laughs he just manages out a small,

“I’m Harry.”

**

It takes about half an hour for Louis and Harry to end up alone in Zayn’s room (which conveniently has a sign taped up saying in large black letters ‘DON’T EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT SHAGGING IN HERE’). The music is just a dull beat every now and then from where they sit, on the complete opposite side of the flat. Louis is a bit of a slut, he knows that, he doesn’t care about hook-ups much, he takes what he can and he doesn’t care or think about the consequences. When he’s drunk it’s even worse, and more often than not he’s gotten hit by a guy or a girl’s boyfriend for trying to hook up with them. So when Louis starts leaning in closer to Harry on Zayn’s small single bed, Harry blinks down at Louis, looking surprised and he pulls away gently.

“What’re you doing?” Harry breathes out, his green eyes wide in surprise, as he continues to lean back and away from Louis as if Louis might attack and jump at him at any second. Louis just hums, smiling and tilting forward still, wanting to taste and lick every inch of Harry’s mouth. He wants to rut against him, hard and gasping.

“Wanna kiss you, you’re so… so … Harry” Louis almost moans out Harry’s name and Harry almost looks scared now as he inches away, he holds out a hand to stop Louis, strong and long, his fingers spanning out on Louis’ dark purple shirt.

“No” He simply says. This time Louis blinks, and while he may be drunk and slutty and hoarding a slight hard on, he’s not a rapist and he knows what the word no means. So he leans back, his cheeks ablaze slightly.

“I’m… ‘m sorry Harry. You’re just… I like you.” Louis laughs at how ridiculous he sounds. “I sound dumb don’t i?” Harry’s green eyes appear to be softening slightly and he swallows, squeezes his eyes closed as if he’s in pain and just shakes his head slowly,

“No. You sound like Louis” Harry replies. Louis lets out a small laugh at that because why is he so drawn to this boy? This isn’t Louis at all. Louis closes his eyes briefly, feeling drowsy and tired now, but his body is still buzzing and he just even wants to wrap his arms around the curly haired boy and inhale his smell and fall asleep and wake up next to him.

“I should go” Harry says quietly and Louis’ eyes flutter open in a panic,

“What! No, I – is this cause, of… of what I did? Because I’m an idiot, I didn’t mean it. I just, your lips are so red, and you’re so… and I just am an idiot, I already said that didn’t i?” Louis protests, his mind trying and failing to whir into action. Harry chuckles from beside Louis and presses a slightly shaking finger to his lips.

“It’s not you. I just have to go, I’m sorry, give me your phone and I’ll put in my number?” Harry asks, sounding slightly hopeful, Louis’ stomach lurches and he immediately grabs for his phone, yanking it out of his too tight chino’s and practically thrusting it upon Harry who chuckles low and dark but types his phone number into Louis’ Iphone, handing it back, and Louis can’t manage to talk or say anything so he simply just nods and stands, blinking as he looks around Zayn’s cluttered room. Harry is still lying back on the bed, looking completely at peace despite that he just said he has to leave. Louis offers his hand to pull Harry to his feet, not wanting to admit that he wants to feel those long, white fingers wrap around his own. Harry grins lazily but grabs a hold of Louis’ hand and Louis pulls him to his feet, both of them with their chests tightly pressed against each other as they stand together in the small confines of the room. Louis can practically count each of Harry’s long, dark eyelashes; feel his heart beating against Louis’ slowly, then faster and faster. Louis actually feels his breath catch in his throat because this boy is beautiful. Just like that, the moment’s gone and Harry hesitantly let’s go of Louis’ hand, taking a step back from Louis as he reaches blindly behind him for the doorknob, his green hazy eyes still on Lou’s blue ones. Suddenly Louis is desperate for this boy to not leave, not yet, he just wants a couple more seconds, a minute, a heartbeat, anything to keep talking to this boy.

“For someone who doesn’t eat you weigh a lot,” Louis tries for a joke, because he’s stupid and he’s drunk and he doesn’t know what else to say. A look of hurt flashes on Harry’s face and he simply just nods slowly.

“Good bye Louis.”

**

The next day Louis wakes up with a spectacular hangover, and throws up five times spectacularly, and then sleeps spectacularly for half of the day until Niall comes bouncing in to tell him about the ‘fit bird’ he got with named Mary or something, and Louis just squishes Niall down between his own body and the mattress because Niall is small and he just squeaks indignantly as Louis lies on top of him and falls back asleep.

It isn’t until Zayn appears and throws a bucket of water over both of them that Louis groggily pulls himself up.

“How pissed did I get?” Louis mumbles out blearily as Niall punches him hard in the forearm for nearly killing him. Leprechauns and their dramatics, gosh.

“Pissed enough that you grabbed a broom and yelled ‘I’m flying to Hogwarts, see you wankers later’” Zayn supplies dryly. Louis groans loudly, pushing his head into his pillow and hoping he will suffocate and kill himself or something.

“Who was the curly you were hanging with?” Niall chirps up, and seriously, it should be illegal how well that boy can hold his liquor. Louis digs his face out of the pillow and squints and Niall.

“Who?”

“There was this pretty fit bloke you were talking to” Zayn agrees nodding his consent,

“Sometimes you are gayer then me” Louis’ insult is cut short by the fact that he has to grab the waste paper basket and throw up into it. Karma is a bitch.

“Yeah he had curly hair, um, and he was pale and really, really skinny” Niall offers. Louis rubs his throbbing temple’s and tries to think, the words do seem to swirl something familiar in Lou’s mind and Louis is bolting up and scrambling for his phone because he remembers, he remembers who Niall is on about. Harry.

Harry.

He’s friends with Liam Payne, who Louis doesn’t know but Zayn does, thus why they were invited. Really, that’s all Louis remembers about Harry though, shit, he doesn’t even remember his last name. He doesn’t even know if he got his number. He doesn’t even know if he’s as fit as Louis’ drunken mind thought he was. But Zayn did call him fit as well, and that counted for something. That’s all Louis can remember about last night, a shimmer of bright green gorgeous eyes, dark curls and an impish smile with dimples, a laugh echoing in his brain. Louis remembers a flash of hurt passing through the boy’s face and Louis is cursing himself because he doesn’t remember and he wants to remember every single thing about this guy.

Louis reaches for his phone impatiently, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes with one hand, he scrolls through the letter H and right there, right at the top is the beautiful, amazing name “Harry (:” printed there and Louis lets out a long breath of relief.

“Boy you are whipped” Niall comments teasingly, Zayn joins in with the laughter and Louis flips both of them the bird, still looking at the perfect five letter name embedded on his phone. Without thinking Louis clicks on the name and watches as “RINGING HARRY (:” appears on the screen, Louis presses the phone to his ear and listens to it ring at least ten times before cutting to an automated voicemail message in a cool female voice asking him to leave a message.

“So, um, it came to mind that I’m an idiot drunk, and I just. This sounds stupid but I feel like I have to know you. I woke up with your eyes in my mind, and I know I said something dickish last night (I always do), and I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I said, and that isn’t me, I promise. I’m just an idiot. God… anyways. I just… that’s all I had to say- oh, er, this is Lou by the way, I mean- Louis. Tomlinson. From Zayn Malik’s party last night?” and Louis hangs up cursing himself for leaving such a stupid voicemail and he knows it truly is terrible when Niall and Zayn don’t even make fun of him for it. Louis allows Zayn to pry his phone from his fingers and for Niall to grab him up, announcing that he needs food in him or ‘he’ll die of starvation right this moment’.

**

It isn’t until 8pm that Louis’ phone buzzes, and Louis is so distracted by the movie Ten Things I Hate about You (and no, he’s not crying at Kat’s speech, there’s just something in his eye okay?) which he’s watching with Zayn who isn’t even paying any attention to how Pat and Kat declare their love to each other, so when he swipes up his phone, unlocking it without even looking, it takes him an entire minute to see who the text is from, and then he reads and rereads the text over about twenty times before whooping loudly and punching Zayn to show him the text.

‘Hey, sorry I replied so late, Liam hid my phone so I could study. Aha you mentioned you were an idiot a couple of times last night. It’s fine, don’t worry. I feel like I need to know you too, Louis Tomlinson from Zayn Malik’s party. xx’ Zayn glances up at Louis, not looking impressed although Louis is practically bouncing for joy,

“What should I reply with!” Louis yells, his face going from excited to panic stricken in about half a second. Zayn rolls his eyes and lifts up one shoulder to shrug.

“I don’t know, ask him if he had fun at the party?” Zayn suggests, Louis pulls a face at him,

“That’s so boring, god no wonder you haven’t gotten action in a while, if you didn’t have such good looks you’d probably never get laid.” Louis remarks, shaking his head thoughtfully. Zayn is so used to these comments he doesn’t even comment, just looks back down at his phone, which is just rude really if you ask Louis.

‘Did i? Oops. So, did you have fun at the party- despite my idiocy?’ Louis taps out happily, chewing on his bottom lip as he clicks send. He’s only watched about ten seconds more of the movie when his phone buzzes again and Louis nearly falls off the couch at how excited he is to see that text is from Harry.

‘Your so called idiocy was what made the party fun ;) xx’ and Louis doesn’t want to over think it, but TWO x’s? Surely that means something.

‘Glad to know I at least entertained you, Curly’

‘Curly? That’s new. xx’

‘Suits you. I’m very original’

‘Ah, so I see. So Louis Tomlinson from Zayn Malik’s party, are you going to ask me out, or what? xx’

‘ i… what?’

‘You want to get to know me, I want to get to know you too. Generally people go out for that kind of thing xx’

‘Oh, I thought- you meant- I mean. Yes. Yeah definitely, just text me when I suppose?’

‘Now? xx’

‘Shouldn’t you be studying Curly?’

‘Teacher Liam is allowing me a short recess ;) xx’

‘Meet at the fountain in ten?’

‘Sounds perfect xx.’

**

Louis is almost shaking as he stands in front of the fountain that’s spraying some water on him from the wind, the air isn’t too cold, and Louis hadn’t even bothered with a jacket, but he convinces himself that he’s shaking due to the not-so-apparent cold, and not the fact that he’s going to meet the mysterious, intriguing boy again from last night. Louis can make out a mop of curls in the distance, a small shadow in the dark and Louis squints his eyes and feels his jaw drop slightly, because yes Niall had told him he was skinny, and Louis knew he was skinny, but he had thought the stick figure image he had remembered in his mind was from his drunken mind, not actual memory. Louis feels something nagging in his mind at how skinny Harry is, he feels a memory threaten to bubble to the surface and it frustrates Louis slightly because he remembers Harry said something, something personal, and it’s like an itch he can’t reach to scratch. Harry finally reaches Louis, his shirt is so wide and shapeless on Harry’s body and Louis is glad he can stop himself from gaping; something tells him Harry wouldn’t appreciate that. Harry smiles broadly, blindingly and all of Louis’ thoughts get filed away for later.

“Hello Louis” Harry greets, and he says it in this way, this beautiful, mesmerising way and Louis is just in a trance and he feels like he’s a drunken idiot all over again, but no- he’s just a plain old idiot.

“Harry,” Louis sounds slightly breathless and Harry’s grin widens slightly as he tucks his large hands into his jeans that are hanging loosely off his hips, looking like they might fall off at any second, which personally Louis wouldn’t mind too much.

“So, where do you want to get to know me?” Harry asks, and Louis knows that Harry knows just how dirty and implying that sounds and Louis has to swallow hard.

“Grab a bite to eat?” Louis asks, and Harry just cocks his head to the side, biting his lip before he slowly shakes his head.

“How much do you remember from last night?” Harry asks, and Louis can feel himself begin to feel slightly confused now so he just opens and closes his mouth before remembering that Harry is actually waiting for an answer.

“Not a lot, just… you. Honestly, I don’t even remember what we talked about, so you might find yourself repeating a lot of things” Louis admits honestly, Harry’s eyes light up at that and he grins and nods.

“Come on then, I’ve got a better idea.”

**

Harry’s better idea was to go back to his flat, which is cluttered with papers on one side, where Harry’s room is, and the other side is pristine, only with some toys hanging around and Louis has the small feeling that Harry is harbouring a stolen three year old here.

“Those are Liam’s” Harry explains watching Louis closely, Louis closes his eyes and lets out a ringing laugh, secretly thanking god.

“I think he’s out” Harry continues, sounding extremely relieved as he clicks the door shut behind him, Louis glances around the flat and he doesn’t know why but he’s struck by how normal it all looks. He turns around, and it’s silly, but his hand reaches out for Harry’s- why, Louis doesn’t even know because he’s known Harry for all of two minutes and he’s trying to hold his hand and what- is he a clingy girlfriend? Harry recoils immediately from the light brush of Louis’ hand and Louis finds himself stuttering,

“I- sorry, sorry, I don’t know why I just did that” Louis babbles and then he realises just how offensive that sounds as he presses on, “I mean- obviously, I mean, I’d love to hold your hand, but I just… don’t know, why- I did that” Louis coughs awkwardly, feeling his cheeks go a bright tomato red and cursing himself for having tanned skin that is easy to spot a blush on.

“It’s fine, Lou, seriously, stop apologising all the time, I overreact sometimes” Harry reassures the older boy. Louis nods slowly and lets out a small breath of air he didn’t even know he was holding. Just as he does so, the entrance door they just entered in from gets pushed open and Harry and Louis both jump at surprise at the sudden noise. A humming brown haired boy appears, looking happy and kind as he pulls off his jacket and turns to face Louis whom he sees first, for a moment a look of panic appears on his face,

“HARRY- SOMEONE BROKE INTO OUR FLAT-” The boy cries out, his eyes glancing around the flat quickly, as if to check that everything’s in order and straightening his back up. Louis’ eyebrows fly up and Harry steps in front of Louis quickly,

“Jesus Christ Li, this is Louis. He’s not breaking in.” Harry mutters, looking embarrassed. Liam blinks and he reminds Louis of a confused little puppy dog, Louis is tempted to pat him on the head, feed him a treat and say ‘good boy’. “Also, how little do you think of me that I wouldn’t notice if someone broke into our flat?” Harry asks indignantly as an afterthought. Liam shoots Louis a sheepish apologetic smile, relaxing now that he knows his home is in no danger.

Liam turns to Harry, running a hand through his short cut brown hair,

“My bad, mate. You eaten?” Liam asks, walking forward now to the couch and small TV that is squished next to the kitchen.

“Nope, we’ll probably eat later” Harry replies back easily, Louis blinks because hadn’t Harry just turned down his idea of eating? Liam turns, with his eyebrows raised and gives Harry a small look.

“Here, eat” Liam pesters, tossing an apple to Harry who catches it easily before shaking his shaggy head and throwing the apple back to Liam.

“No, thanks though” Harry replies, turning to face Louis and giving him a small tight smile, Louis feels like he’s intruding suddenly and just stands there awkwardly by the entrance still.

“Harry.” Liam says sternly, he throws the apple back. “Eat. You don’t have to eat that, we have plenty of other things you know”

“Jesus Liam, will you quit it? You’re making Louis feel weird.” Harry snaps. Louis blinks at Harry’s tone, still feeling awkward but now slightly worried for Harry, that niggling feeling is back, in the back of his mind, pestering him and telling him something, telling him he’s missing something important. Liam scowls at that just as Harry’s phone buzzes and he goes to look down at it. Liam walks over to Louis, shaking his head and keeping one stern eye still on Harry who’s thumbing at his own Iphone, Louis blinks as he feels Liam press a piece of paper into his hand tightly as he walks past him,

“Make sure he eats something yeah?” Liam murmurs quietly into Louis’ ear quickly, casting another look at Harry who is still busy tapping away on his phone. When Louis glances down he sees a pristine fifty pound note pressed into his small, tanned palm, leaving Louis more confused than ever.

**

But Louis never ends up spending the money, especially not on Harry who returns back to his dazzling smile and bright green eyes as soon as they leave to walk Louis back to his flat, the air more chilly and cold now. Louis feels guilty as the next time Harry brings him back to his flat that Louis pretends to go to the bathroom but slips into Liam’s bedroom instead and places the fifty pound note by his bedside table, ignoring that small doubt of worry in his mind at Liam’s low and serious tone from before.

On and on it goes, and Harry and Lou seem to just fall into sync with each other, often texting, or calling each other, or hanging with each other most days, it’s become such a regular that Zayn is genuinely surprised whenever Louis is at his flat or Zayn’s these days, which Louis also feels guilty about, in fact there’s so much guilt in Louis that he can’t even sleep most nights, his thoughts often consumed about Harry or the night they first met and Louis’ brain ticks away the seconds as he tries to rack his mind for whatever he’s missing.

Louis has made it clear he likes Harry, he takes him out all the time, he smiles at him, Harry even allows for Louis to kiss him on the cheek now, which is progress as the small pink tinge hits Harry’s cheeks whenever Lou’s lips leave them. Louis feels intoxicated by Harry and all he can think of ismoremoremore but Harry isn’t ready. They’ll both cuddle on the sofa, or snuggle in closer to each other while watching a movie, or nuzzle each other’s necks, breathe in each other’s scents as Louis kisses him goodbye. Harry is broken and Louis just wants to find all of his pieces and slowly glue him back together in all of his beauty. He just wishes Harry would let him in, let him fix him, which his heart desires more than anything every time he notices Harry flinch when anybody comes too close to him, or accidentally touches him. He slowly begins to notice the way that Harry is never hungry, he begins to notice that the few times Louis takes him out for lunch or dinner, Harry will laugh and be normal but by the end of the meal all he would have done is cut up the meat on his plate, or rearrange his chips. It’s then that Louis realises how good of a liar Harry is, how good he is at pretending and faking and smiling through it all. And that’s what hurts Louis the most because he wants to give Harry the damn moon if he’d just let him.

This is what causes Louis to practically spring out of his bed and grab on random articles of clothing before racing out the door, because he feels something constricting in his chest, he feels worried and he needs Harry, he needs him now to make sure that he’s okay, that everything is okay and Louis is just being delusional. When Louis ends up in front of their flat building he sends Harry a text, knowing he’s probably asleep, because it’s 3 in the morning and Louis can’t believe how crazy he’s acting. But his phone buzzes back immediately,

‘Yeah I’m at mine, why? xx’

‘How come you’re not asleep, beautiful?’

‘Can’t sleep most nights. Bad dreams.. xx’

‘Anything I can do?’

‘I’d ask for a cuddle, but you should sleep xx’

‘I’m outside, tell me the word and I’ll come up’

‘You are? Why? … Come up? Please xx’

Louis locks his phone and slides it into his back pocket of his shorts, really, he should never pick clothes blindly ever again, Louis silently is thankful it’s night time so nobody can see his atrocious attire. Louis inches closer to the building and squints in the darkness, looking for Harry and Liam’s flat buzzer, but a distant door swings open,

“Lou?” a quiet, scared sounding voice calls down the dark hall stretched in front of Louis. Louis nods, before realising- duh it’s dark.

“Hey Haz” Louis quickly replies, and he can hear Harry breathe out sounding relieved as he gestures for Louis to walk towards him. As soon as Louis is close enough Harry wraps his arms around Lou’s middle tightly and just breathes into his neck, Louis doesn’t even hesitate before returning the strong hold and pressing Harry’s head to his chest.

“Hey, you okay?” Louis asks softly into the dark as they stand, hovering at the entrance of the flat. Louis notices that Harry is shaking, it’s not from the crisp wind either, he’s shaking, he seems terrified and Louis wishes whatever pain has been inflicted upon this beautiful boy to be inflicted upon himself instead. Louis brushes back some of Harry’s curls.

“Hey, hey, you’re alright baby, I got you.” Louis murmurs softly, pressing a small kiss to Harry’s forehead. Harry lets out a small shaky whine and looks up, his eyes dark as he tilts his head closer to Louis’, he’s biting down on his bottom lip and is shaking slightly still, but his eyes show want and Louis has to pause for a second.

“Harry-” He whispers but Harry just shakes his head.

“Please Lou” he says in a broken voice and Louis just can’t say no so he bridges off the gap between their faces and softly kisses Harry, finally, their lips feel like they’ve been sculpted to fit each other’s perfectly and Harry is more needy and clingy with his kiss, immediately opening his mouth for Louis’ tongue, Louis hesitates briefly before swiping his tongue over Harry’s bottom trembling lip.

“Come on, let’s get you inside beautiful” Louis breathes against his lips, Harry nods quickly and Louis swallows before leading Harry through the dark quiet apartment save for Liam’s snores through his closed room door.

**

That night Louis and Harry lay together on Harry’s small bed and Harry clings tightly to Louis, needing kisses every few seconds to reassure him and Louis wants to ask desperately, ‘Who hurt you this badly?’ but he holds his tongue and just strokes back Harry’s curls. Harry reaches up and tugs off his nightshirt, throwing it away before wrapping his hands around himself self consciously, Louis has to pry his arms away,

“Let me look at you baby” Louis whispers against his mouth, Harry shivers but let’s Louis pull his hands away, Louis uses one hand to trail slowly and softly against Harry’s chest which rises and falls steadily. Louis nearly chokes as his fingers run over Harry’s prominent ribs that stick out from his skin and his hip bones that are sharp, he’s just so tiny and Louis can feel himself begin to panic.

“Don’t do this if you don’t want to” Louis just says quietly into the darkness as Harry wraps himself around Louis’ body like an octopus. Harry nods once more but Louis feels as if he’s talking to deaf ears as he reaches to turn on the small lamp to turn on some light. It’s like somebody has dunked Harry into ice cold water however and he bolts up, grabbing at Louis’ wrist.

“What’re you doing?!” he breathes, sounding panicked. Louis can feel confusion cloud his mind once more.

“I want to see you properly” Louis replies softly, but Harry is shaking his head vigorously,

“No. No, no, no. Louis I’m right here, don’t see me- feel me, please. Don’t. Don’t turn it on, it’s better like this” Harry sounds desperate as if he’s begging and he’s pushing his body closer to Louis and kissing him on his neck and shoulders and cheeks but Louis doesn’t feel satisfied, he can’t feel himself melting at the soft lips like usual, he feel himself begin to freeze up because something is wrong.

“Harry, Harry” Louis has to repeat to make Harry stop kissing him so fervently. Harry raises his head to look at Louis’ searching eyes and swallows.

“What’s going on?” Louis whispers, reaching a hand to cup at Harry’s soft cheek. Harry drops his gaze and Louis shakes his head furiously,

“Harry, please, look at me. Please” Louis pleads, it takes a long moment but Harry finally looks up at him, his eyes looking more scared then Louis has ever seen them.

“Not now Louis.” Harry whispers. “Just… not now, please.”

**

It’s another week after that night in Harry’s bedroom and things begin to change, it’s slow at first but Harry begins to allow Louis to kiss him, to hold his hand, to actually touch him, Liam notices and raises his eyebrows to begin with, but he doesn’t say anything. Harry begins to shine, like really shine, like beam with happiness because he didn’t know what to make of Louis to begin with but now he thinks he does and he likes Louis, he likes his kisses and how he wakes him up every morning with a text saying ‘Morning love, you’re perfect in my eyes’, he likes his laugh, and his voice, and how he sings when he thinks nobody is listening, and how he cries at Ten Things I Hate About You every single time. So things might actually be working out for Harry, maybe- hopefully, and he’s not stupid, he knows Lou has questions, he knows Lou is a guy and is used to frequent sex and hook-ups but he never pesters Harry about it, he genuinely just seems happy to be in Harry’s company. Harry wishes he could just one day sit Louis down and tell him everything, because he knows Louis knows something is wrong, and he doesn’t even really remember the first night they met- but Harry does, and he remembers how easy it was for him to admit what was wrong with him, it was something monumental, and of course Louis wouldn’t even remember the next day, that would only happen to Harry really.

Louis is beginning to work things out, his soft blue eyes are calculating and watch Harry’s every movement now, and it’ll only be a little while until he figures everything out and Liam actually sympathises with him and says that if Louis is a jerk about it he’ll beat the shit out of him, which isn’t true, Liam has to call Harry in to kill a spider and even then he’ll be all like ‘Aw but do we have to kill it? Maybe we could let it outside with the rest of its spider buddies’, but it’s a nice gesture.

**

“I have an eating disorder you twat”, there’s laughter and Louis is doubled over and so is Harry and his eyes are shining now, brighter green and people are milling around them but neither sound affected.

“Why are you telling me this?” Louis asks finally, sounding nonplussed. Harry just shrugs.

“You seem like someone I can talk to”

“I may be drunk, but I definitely know that’s true, so now I know all your secrets, I should warn you I have none of my own”

“You don’t know all of them Lou, trust me.”

Louis gasps awake, he’s distinctly aware that’s sweating and Harry is pressed against him in his bed, that thankfully is bigger than Zayn’s. It’s like alarms are blaring in Louis’ head eating disorder, eating disorder, eating disorder, Harry turns to face Louis, and as usual he’s awake, he’s always awake, when he actually sleeps he wakes up twitching and shaking and letting out whimpers and it takes Louis an hour to calm him down, but he doesn’t care because Harry let’s him in now, he lets him take care of him. Harry takes a moment to look at Louis, his hands as usual clutched between Louis’, and Harry looks worried as he leans in closer to Louis, not used to being the one having to do the comfort.

“Lou?” He asks softly, his hand squeezes Lou’s softly. Louis and Harry haven’t done anything, or really, gone further than this, kissing, lying together as Louis gets painfully hard and Harry looks guilty until Louis kisses him and whispers ‘it’s okay, it’s okay, love’, Harry doesn’t even know how he got Louis, after everything that’s happened to him, it was almost worth it because he got Louis in the end, his Louis, and they’ve never actually talked about what they are, but they only want each other, they only kiss each other, it’s deeper than being just friends, or a fling.

“Harry… please” Louis’ eyes are wide and silently begging and it makes Harry shiver, because here it is, the inevitable. “Tell me.”

**

“Don’t… don’t talk, and don’t make those faces you make, like- like when you’re sad or upset, or something’s bothering you, or when you want to interrupt, just. Please, Lou, just listen?” Harry says in a defeated voice. Louis is nodding quickly beside him as Harry sits up, kneading at his forehead, willing the pain to subside of what he has to say next.

“So I know you’ve had questions. And I know you’ve been patient, and I lo- like you a lot for that. This isn’t easy, I just- I don’t know how… how to do this” Harry lets out a shaky breath and he can feel Louis’ piercing blue eyes on him.

“I used to live in Holmes Chapel, and it was just my mum and me really, my step dad was always at work, my older sister Gem was at Uni in Australia. And it was just me and her, and she used to get sad a lot, she didn’t really know how to function without me I guess, and one day she just couldn’t leave the house, I guess it was one of her bad days and I wanted to make her something nice for dinner, help cheer her up a bit maybe. And i… I was walking back to my car, and like… okay Holmes Chapel isn’t small, but it’s not huge either, and people know pretty much everyone and I was, I guess I mean, people thought I was attractive, girls and guys alike, and you know- that was just a huge compliment for me, because all my life I’ve wanted to be accepted and like, even though I try not to act like it. I got hit, a lot. And then… then when they were done hitting me, and I couldn’t even really breathe cause there was just so much blood on my face” Harry’s voice is shaking now and Louis slips his hand back into Harry’s, squeezing tightly but remaining silent, waiting.

“When they were done hitting me, they unzipped my pants. And I remember I was trying so hard to run, to just leave and go back to my mum and help her feel better and I made my fingers bleed on the pavement. But, the… I mean whoever it was, I mean- they weren’t finished with me I guess, because they undid their pants as well and I started to throw up and I just couldn’t breathe, Lou, I couldn’t fucking breathe. After they were done they just left me there, and when I rolled over I realised that all the things I had bought for my mum were laid on the ground next to me, squashed and destroyed.

“I know you notice I don’t eat. February I was diagnosed with anorexia right after I left Holmes Chapel and moved here, Liam was the one who noticed, he’s annoyingly perceptive like that and I don’t even really know why I just stopped eating, but I noticed the looks I got, because I was getting so skinny, and people weren’t looking at me like ‘Wow he’s hot’ they were looking at me like, scared and kinda disgusted and I just felt so strong in that moment because I wasn’t- I wasn’t desired anymore, you know? People didn’t want me anymore and I’d never be hurt again. But then I met you, and shit, Lou you scared me so much because it was like you saw who I was before and you liked me and I didn’t know how to react to that because I didn’t want people to want me, but you- I mean you saw I was different and hurt and I just started to need you as much as you needed me I guess. And god, I fell for Louis Tomlinson from Zayn Malik’s party.

“You made me feel good about myself, you made me feel like I’m precious and beautiful and something to be looked after, and I’ve never felt that before, but I’m here and I’m feeling it with you and I know it takes me ages to do anything with you, you get hard all the time I know and I just leave you hanging because I’m a fucking wimp. I’m just- I mean I’m trying to tell you Louis Tomlinson from Zayn Malik’s party is that I’m in love with you. I don’t know how or when it happened but I am one hundred percent in love with you, and I need you to be in love with me too, okay? I need you to just be Louis, and for me to be your Harry” tears are running down Harry’s face silently and he feels like this giant weight has just been lifted from his shoulders, he feel like he can breathe again which is strange because he’s never exposed so much of himself to anyone before. Beside him Louis is sobbing and kissing Harry’s neck over and over again and holding him tightly around the middle as Harry shakes,

“Oh Harry, Harry. Harry I have been in love with you since I met you, and if you let me I promise I’ll take the pain away, I promise I’ll make everything better, I love you so much” Louis’ tears are warm as they slide onto Harry’s neck and then Harry is pulling at Louis’ face gently and they’re kissing, tears and lips and tongue’s and want and need hot in the air and Harry lets out a small squeak as Louis kisses him again and again as if scared Harry will fly away if he lets go of him.

“Is this why you keep the lights off?” Louis whispers, kissing him sweet and short, swiping at his tears.

“I’m ugly” Harry replies’, playing with Louis’ fringe, Louis lets out a small hiccup and is shaking his head fervently,

“You’re the most beautiful thing in this world, and I’ll never let anybody hurt you again for as long as you live, baby” Louis assures him, kissing down his neck again and again and bitting down gently on his collarbone. Harry nods, dipping his head to meet Louis’ lips once more,

“Thank you” Harry breathes and at that Louis laughs softly, and just rolls his eyes jokingly.

“You’re worse than me with my apologies, stop thanking me Harry.”

“But you love me”

“With everything I have”

“Then I need to thank you”

“No, you just need to promise to always love me back.”


End file.
